Wazzup! I'm Taylor, CEO of Hedgehog, your friendly neighborhood cryptocurrency portfolio manager.

From the SEC claiming jurisdiction over Ethereum to Do Kwon going out for a pack of non-fungible smokes, we’ve got a lot going on in crypto this week. Things are happening. And it’s heavy.

Before we get into that, let’s start with something light: Every week I ask a giveaway question at the end of the newsletter, and one lucky respondent wins a Ledger Nano S hardware wallet. Most recently I asked for your favorite sauce combinations.

The answers were mouthwatering, as predicted. Consider:

  • "Cayenne honey (truly a sweet-hot combo) drizzled on an all-the-meat-you-can-eat pizza." Uh, yes please.
  • "Spaghetti and meatballs is really just an oddly shaped burger with a tomato-based sauce. Why shouldn't you add some mustard to that?" Hmm, no thank you.
  • "The two flavors that go perfectly together are: Oreo and salted banana. Now, it's important to deliver this combination in a specific medium: milkshake. I know, sounds weird, but it is right near heaven." Ooh, it's a blended banana split!

The answer that really takes the cake is from Douglas AKA Rovendoug, who created a drink called the Heart Attack: A double shot of espresso plus 250ml of Red Bull and 2 Tbsp. of heavy whipping cream. Douglas insists it is tasty. I struggle to believe him.

Remember to read to the end of the newsletter for this week's giveaway question! (Or you can just scroll right down, there's no way for me to know.)

The SEC is coming after ETH. The Commission "made an unprecedented claim that Ethereum transactions take place in the United States because Ethereum nodes are 'clustered more densely' in the U.S. than in any other country," per Cointelegraph.

Also, the SEC seems to judge that if you receive yield on any asset, that asset is now a security. As usual, Reddit breaks this down into a more digestible form: "If you rent your apartment out, and receive rent (yield), whoops, your apartment is now a security according to the SEC, and Gensler controls it now."

As Coin Center put it, "the SEC has lately been taking a very broad view of its jurisdiction, so there's plenty of legal risk to go around potentially." Oh goody.

Tldr: If Gensler visits my apartment, I will offer him a nice glass of Red Bull and coffee.

Maybe you've heard of Polygon, a popular ETH scaling platform, and the associated token $MATIC. It popped up on my radar a couple of times recently.

First, Hedgehog teammate Jon Hope is a fan of Anxious Bulldogs, a pop art NFT collection on Polygon. He interviewed the creator, discussing how a marketing exec first launched her NFTs, then bootstrapped a community around her artwork. The accessibility and lower cost of Polygon enabled her to get started.

Tldr: I'll take an Anxious Bulldog over a Crypto Kitty any day.

Meanwhile, Starbucks — of all companies — plans to use Polygon to augment the existing rewards program. Starbucks Odyssey "will offer members the ability to earn and buy digital collectible stamps (NFTs) that will unlock access to new, immersive coffee experiences," the press release declares. I assume it's not a coffee dunk tank, although that would definitely be immersive…

Once logged in, members can engage in Starbucks Odyssey 'journeys,' a series of activities, such as playing interactive games or taking on fun challenges to deepen their knowledge of coffee and Starbucks. Members will be rewarded for completing journeys with a digital collectable 'journey stamp' (NFT).

Members can also purchase 'limited-edition stamps' (NFTs) through a built-in marketplace within the Starbucks Odyssey web app experience. Limited-edition stamps will be available for all members to purchase directly with a credit card. No crypto wallet or cryptocurrency will be required — making the Starbucks Odyssey experience a fun and easy way for members to access this new technology and claim an ownership stake in their loyalty to Starbucks.

Collecting and purchasing the virtual stamps will give users points that they can then use to unlock various perks. Starbucks also plans to have a marketplace for users to buy and sell these NFTs.

Tldr: One Non-Fungible-Caramel-Mocha-Latte with two shots of Red Bull tokens to go, please.

Quick Hits

"The New Creator Playbook: Jumpstarting Communities Through Tokens"
Tldr: Like the Anxious Bulldogs creator! When it works, it works.

"The Case for Social Slashing"
Tldr: No machetes were harmed in the making of this essay.

"The Spectacular Collapse of CryptoKitties, the First Big Blockchain Game"
Tldr: Meow :(

Tether ordered to produce documents showing backing of USDT [pdf], via Hacker News
Tldr: michaeljackson_eatingpopcorn.gif

"Pandas Are Not Known For Running (The Merge)"
Tldr: You gotta listen to this. Who knew that crypto bluegrass is exactly what we need?

"Disgraced crypto founder says he’s not on the run. But no one knows where he is."
Do Kwon claims, unless you're homies or "we are involved in a gps based web3 game …. you have no business knowing my gps coordinates."
Tldr: I guess Interpol hasn't tried DMing him on Twitter?

Giveaway question of the week: We did best, so now what's the worst combination of flavors you can imagine? Catch: It does have to be actual food.

Reply to this email with your coffee preferences to be entered to win a Ledger Nano S hardware wallet. [Edit: Did you catch the inconsistency? That was an accident, oops.]

Lattes of love,
— Taylor

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